Today is International Women's Day and I had a most wonderful few hours this morning with a bunch of women, all learning a little bit more about ourselves. I love that there are so many people on this journey, and I wonder if there always was, if I am just finding them, or it is becoming much more acceptable to be open and honest.
I rocked up to this event on my own. I absolutely LOVE that I can do that now. A few short years ago, it would have been either impossible, or I would be so stressed, anxious, and probably medicated to the eyeballs! As I am becoming more comfortable with the me that I am, it is easier for me to go and show that me to people who don't know me. They will judge me if they choose, and that's their business. My business is about becoming the best me I can be, and enjoying my life! Wahoo!
I did some transitional hypnotherapy this week. It was blimin AWESOME! From the suicidal me that reared its ugly head last weekend, to some pretty tough times and conversations with the wonderful Mr P, I am feeling SO positive. My sea continues to be a little rocky, but I've not been turfed off my board and I'm learning to surf the waves rather than be knocked down by them. My recovery from my deep dips is getting quicker, and I believe that is to do with things that I've been reading, learning and working on over the last few months, but accelerated by the things that happened at the vision workshop the other week.
Learning about our conscious and unconscious mind, and about how blimin complex it is, not from a brain perspective but from a mind perspective. I know from a lot of therapy and CBT about the thoughts, feelings, behaviours, actions, but for the first time ever, I guess I'm really starting to get it.
I've known about affirmations and positivity, and The Secret, and being grateful, and asking the universe and attracting what you want in your life. And I've bought into it. Probably for about 20%, and probably for a month. But so much of our life is driven by our unconscious mind, by things that happened before we were able to filter out and have an opinion about them, and decide how we felt about them, and things that we mostly don't know about or remember with our conscious mind.
Now, we can't really go back and challenge every single second of the first seven years of our lives, but we can move forward and create the positive thoughts and feelings and flood our mind with them, and that will feed into our unconscious and can change the way we see the world.
I feel excited about this. I have had some sh*tty stuff going on as I am writing this, and as I've been going through my week, but I am still able to tap into this positivity and SMILE as I am writing this. And I can FEEL that smile. If I can do that within a couple of weeks, imagine what I can do in a couple of months.
It is said that you are the average of the people that you spend time with. If you want to be positive you need to spend time with positive people. If you are positive, people will want to spend time with you. If your positivity rubs off on them, they will in turn create that with the people they hang out with or come across. THIS is one way we can change the world!
Will everybody be happy about this? Will everybody like the changes that I (or you) make in my life? No. But I was not put on this world to please everybody else. I tried that for 45 years and look where it got me. I have given and given and given, and I am drained, depleted. I am on this journey first and foremost to create a more fulfilling life for myself, to share that with other people, to create a community of support and kindness. But I can't create the community without doing the work on myself. I am not strong enough to support others in the way that I have in the past.
Self care is not selfish.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
We have all heard these sayings and many more like them. I am proof that they are true. It is also true that I can't be healed by someone else. I need to put the work in and find a way to heal myself. It will not be quick, but it will happen.
It started almost 11 months ago when I started putting the right nutrition in my body. It continued when I started losing weight, and becoming active, and having more energy, and being positive. But it stalled when I stalled.
We don't eat a lot one day and go 'that's it, I don't need to eat for the rest of the year'. We continually need to feed and nourish our body, and our mind and soul is no different.
Last Thursday evening I was in a very very dark place. Tonight, there is a light with my name on it, and it is shining down a great big smile, to remind me that I am on the right track.
Love and light to you, love Becs xxxx